A minute but sharp pain rippled thru my heart as I read the sms. To think that these messages kept u going for the past 7 mths, all gone in a click of a button. I had hoped that we would be able to work things out. But I really don't know now. It wasn't a romance that was without its painful and uncertain moments. But at this point in time, all of that combined still wouldn't match up to the detriments of these events.

We need some time apart. We need time to think. Cause right now, i'm barely able to gasp for air. Juggling between so many things. It's just something that no one will be able to comprehend. Coaching 2 schools. going to class. Projects. Events. Research. Paper work. lesson plans. Emails. More emails. And despite all that I have to do, its still about what I didn't do, and havent done.

And Dino still sleeps the night away and wakes me up at 8, irregardless of what time i sleep, even if it was 3am.

I'm tired. I need a break. Im gonna sleep. I just wanna sleep. Can I not wake up? Then the problems will all just be gone. Yes avoidance. But I'm sleeping..

I had a Dream....

Don't you wonder how dreams can feel so real at times... It is able to make u feel happy, sad, evokes feelings of fear and anger...

I just had a dream which was set in a chalet.. As you know, places and scenarios and dreams don't always take on places in reality. And for some morbid reason, at the chalet, Derek was leading us (Discknights) in a run. By the way, we were running round and round at the ground floor of the chalet.. Yeah, I know. I did mention that it was a weird dream. As we were running, some of them decided that it would be fun to lose Derek and hide somewhere but Dawn and I decided to carry on running.

As we tried to keep up with Derek, we kinda lost him as well... And now it was just Dawn at me, at the living room.. Just as we were going to go get a drink... suddenly, that was a huge explosion and from within the soil, a huge Wild Boar dashed out.

What appeared was this HUGE Wild Boar in a red cape. No joke.. And I mean, Ive seen wild boars before, but this was a Wild Boar with a red cape, Its a freaking Super Boar.. We were both stunned by what we saw. I quickly signalled for Dawn to move up the stairs.. but as we were at the foot of the stairs, Dawn clutched on her stomach, signalling acute pain in her abdominals.. I saw the Wild boar coming in our direction, and for fear that the Super Boar would come after us, ... I grabbed Dawn and RAN up the stairs and locked us in one of the rooms above... Hoping that of all the rooms Superboar Raids, he doesn't raid ours.. My heart was pounding, I was truly scared.. But I was glad that I wasn't hurt and more importantly, Dawn was safe... then..

And I woke up..

Extremely relieved... Relieve that Super boar didn't get to us, and that Dawn was still safe and sound..

On a more realistic note... School has begun once again and I must admit that I really didn't enjoy going for classes. I didn't find the lectuer engaging and the topic was really quite dry.. Or at least he made it dry. But, I know that it's important for me to go for lessons cause afterall, I'm in school to study and I'm studying to build my career. Despite all the boring lessons, there's still something to look forward to everyday, and its being able to see you, before and after class.. and in between breaks..

You asked me recently, everyday see me, won't get bored of me? My answer to you was and always will be no.. Cause if I was to get bored of u, I would have done so a long time ago. I know myself.. and I can sincerely say... that Dawn.. I really do love you, now and forever.

Collide

Recently, you said " Someone hasn't been updating his blog huh?" And my reply to that was, " My blog consist of recollections of sadness, grief, anger things that normally have no reason for celebration, but reason to vent."
Basically, not having to update my blog recently should appear as a sign that things are going well in my life.

How can my life be bad when recently, I found myself a girl whom I love. Someone who's understanding, accomodating, smart, pretty, passionate in whatever she does and plays frisbee. Whats more, she loves me too. And that should make us the 2 happiest couple in the whole world, shouldnt it? But, as much as i would like to say, yes, we're happy all the time, its inevitable that couples get into squabbles and arguments. And there are times when our own selfishness, cause one another to be upset. I'm guilty of that. It is then that I thought of a quote and I felt that if a relationship was based on these conditions, it would reduce arguments and unhappiness.

And the quote is...
"Love is always patient and kind, it is never jealous. Love is never boastful or conceited. It is never rude or selfish. It does not take offence, it is not resentful."

This summarises what makes a happy relationship and its something that we've all heard before, but we never applied. But what struck me most was the first sentence, Love is always patient and kind. I knew this quote, yet I never realised that all these time, I've been impatient. Ive been jealous. Ive been selfish. How could I expect things to be going well?

I know that I made u upset last night and im sorry for dissapointing u. Rest assured that I've do my best to be more patient, more selfless and less dismissive. All I'm asking is your support, your time and patience in return...

I love you Dawn..

Eugene

Life was made, so that we lived it to the fullest...

I knew that, but inadvertably, I took the life, of a young kitten, who was so adorable so cute, who loved our family as much as we love it. But its life was ended just by the click of a button, and I was the one who clicked it. I know it's not my fault, I know that I couldn't have prevented it. But the fact remains, I killed it, the moment, i click on the stupid fucking remote control.

Which has made me think, if I had only parked my fucking car outside instead of in my parking lot. I would have shooed it away before clicking the button. Or if I had reacted quickly enough when I heard the awful screams of the little kitten, I could have prevented all that. There are so many what ifs and if onlys, but all that won't change the awful fact that the kitten died, right before me. It was such a painful scene I don't wish to put anyone who reads this to utter disgust. But all I can say is that it was excruciating having to see that, and its an image that won't be erased from my mind, ever. The very kitten that I had called "Mimi" has just been strangled, caught inbetween my automatic gates. I tried you know. I tried to pull the gates open as soon as i saw that poor Mimi was caught inbetween, and for that moment when I saw that he had gotten loose, I was happy momentarily. But what happened after, will just haunt me.

It hurts most knowing that this very kitten had trusted us enough to lay in our premises. It had obviously wanted to be taken in, since we've always been feeding it, petting it, playing with it. And all of it, now, just memories. And the poor kitten, barely even 3 mths is now no longer existent. And we had just seen it grow from a skinny, malnutritioned kitten, to a happy, contented, "mimi". We loved it so much, that my dad bought him a collar. He even shifted canals for crying out loud. He wanted to stay near us. And look what staying near us has done to it. I just feel soo terrible, so sorry for that kitten. I'm just feeling so lousy now. I really am. I'm so sorry for ending your life so quickly. I could never forgive myself for doing that. I'm really very sorry.......